With time to kill, I sit staring at the sun thinking what I will become in the days/years to come. Then two guys walk across discussing some movie. Then having got a topic to stick with, I started wondering how a movie would be if I am the brainchild behind it and I want it to be a stereotypical B grade action flick which takes a low shot of the yesteryear classics.
The story goes like this……There was a honest police officer in the 70’s whose wife gave birth to twin males. They keep singing their family song every so often. Then as this police office tried to fight crime, he gets killed and his wife raped (I intend to prolong this scene to eternity by using slow motion movements and pansy background music). After this, the villain (the rich politician who also happens to be the murderer and the rapist—and yeah he is also that area’s rowdy goes on to tattoo on both the kids arms.) The tattoo reads – “ Mera Baap Chor Hai”.
From this scene onwards, till the end of the movie, the twin’s mother wears only a white saree and keeps looking at her husbands photograph and cries now and then. Over a sad song, they perform the last rites for their father (even though they are only 2 years old) and are driven to abject poverty. This is when they go to an exhibition and one kid gets lost trying to chase a balloon that he so desperately wants. Let us name this kid who got lost as Ram and the other kid as shyam. Once this kid gets lost, their mother desperately starts to search for him, and then over there will be another song. During this song, both these kids keep running in different frames and suddenly they become big and with great difficulty, Handsome. Ram becomes a mechanic, who is portrayed to be hardworking and straightforward. Here there will be a song comparing him to Yudishtira. The younger son is shown to be a party animal and girls start to drool whenever he passes by.
Now, the stereotypical director mind in me must link the two parallel characters into a tricky situation, take the audience on an emotive rollercoaster ride and then finish it of with a high. What better thought then the fact that I decide to give the Villain two beautiful daughters, the eldest crashing her scooty somewhere and taking it to none other than our very own mechanic RAM and the younger daughter happens to study in the same college as our chocolate boy Shyam. Ram avoids the elder daughter (let us assume her name to be Sheela) even though he can realize that it was love at first sight for Sheela.. Mala (second girl’s name) on the other hand is intensely ragged by Shyam in college and she hates him. But suddenly, the college gunda tries to molest Mala and Shyam comes to the rescue (Here I plan to import experts in Kung Fu and Karate from Japan and China and create a multi-million dollar chase and fight scene). Once the gunda and his gang are driven away, our man Shyam turns to give a romantic smirk. This is when Mala realizes that there is a drop of blood near Shyam’s mouth and she runs and cleans his blood with her kerchief. This is where the frame is cut, paused, and then I will show a few angels running, few young men playing the violin and flowers falling on the pair. The camera rotates 360 degrees and one horribly cheap and plastic song will be shown with maximum allowable vulgarity (heroine dancing in the rain wearing a white saree) to satisfy certain sections of the audience.
Once the seven deadly sins are thrown in plenty at the audience, we shall after deliberate and decadent digression return to the story (not that the story is intuitive and informative). The villain comes to know about the love affairs of both his daughters and both the brothers are being tortured. It is during once such fight sequence does Ram sing the family song aloud. Shyam runs towards Ram with tears rolling down and lifts his arm to see the same fateful tattoo on his arm too. The both hug for eternity (I shall liberally introduce overreactions and pathetic background music over here so that it clouds the utterly ugly facial expressions and facial hair that the heroines have (low budget movie u see).
They then successfully grab their heroines and walk all they way (say around 100 kms) to see their mom. Here they all sing their family song once again and their mom puts tilak on both their heads and orders them to go take avenge their fathers death.
One utterly unnecessary but ritualistic climax flight is kept here at an old ruined kali temple. The villain is knocked unconscious when both Ram and Shyam start to utter punch dialogues. (Their back facing the villain). The villain regains consciousness, this is shown by showing a thunder and some loud music. The villain picks up the trishul there and comes running towards the brothers and suddenly their old hag of a mom who matches here white saree with pale white make up jumps 25 feet to come in-between her sons and the villains. She dies protecting her sons and they in turn immediately kill he villain. Wait a minute…how can she die without a last gasping dialogue…she utters “Beta Ram and Beta Shyam, I am proud of both of you” and then she joins both their hands with the heroine’s hands and kicks the bucket.
They cry and immediately the next day get married and live happily ever after.
I shall end this movie with Ram, his wife and their kids, Shyam, his wife and their kids all together dancing and singing their family song.
The name of the movie is: “ Lo ek aur bakwaaas kahani”. I believe a movie of such immense quality will be a blockbuster and I shall definitely not be surprised if it gets nominated for all possible awards, gets remade in various languages and also has a case study done by a group of MIT students.
Then suddenly. someone comes and disturbs my deep thought but I am unable to remove the smirk of my face.
